Let me answer that as clearly and compassionately as I can: your own damn self. That’s who.
Let me explain…
For a very long time I have been a collector of a certain type of woman in my studio and it has been such a blessing. All sarcasm and Ebeth-ism aside…I’m realizing my passion is women and I express that passion through photography. I always thought it was the other way around, but it turns out it was the complete opposite. Who would’ve ever guessed that??
So…here I am collecting these beautiful, engaging, brilliant women just overflowing with life and energy, but I see that so many of them share the exact same problem and they just don’t see it…
They are each asking someone close to them to fill them up, love them unconditionally, cherish their faults just as much as their strengths, find them to be exactly what they want and need in this life in every way, believe in them fully, and finally, to simply just love them for who they are, as they are.
But here is the thing: they are not willing to do even ONE of those things on that list for themselves. Not. One. They look in the mirror and sneer at that reflection. For every compliment they are paid they follow it up with some perceived fault of themselves. They go to bed at night counting every calorie while having a pretend fist fight with themselves and they wake up in the morning picking up right where they left off.
What’s more, I’m starting to see a trend happening whereupon women are starting to lay this responsibility on me. Now listen, do not get me wrong here. Nothing, and I mean nothing, gives me more joy than watching a woman walk into my studio as sure as she can be that she’s not going to like her photos and then hand her the box of tissues without her even having to ask as tears stream down her face because she just cannot believe how much she loves them, and herself. It never ever gets old for me.
If someone was doing a street survey and walked up to you and asked you the question: “Who is responsible for you liking yourself?”, what answer would you give? Yesssssss……that’s right. Could you really choke out any other name, other than your own?? No. No you could not. And you know it. So why, then, are you walking around each day as if that answer is any other name other than your own??
And here’s the other thing–pay attention here. This is important. If you are waiting around for your partner to make you feel good about yourself and take on that daily responsibility to fulfill you in every way that has to do with your own healthy self-image….boy are you going to be madly disappointed. First, why would someone do that for you and when you won’t even do it for yourself? Second, do you do that for them? Do you believe it is your sole responsibility to do whatever it is you need to do to make sure that your partner is in love with their own self?
Let me say: if you have a partner that is actively trying to make you feel bad about yourself and does not lift you up in the ways they absolutely should then you have to do your own soul-searching as to why you are still there. I’m talking about 2 people that care for each other very deeply. But you have to know that no matter how much your partner, or anyone else, loves you it is simply not their responsibility to make you love yourself. And my dear dear beloved darlings: it is not my responsibility either.
You have to give something here. You have to see that if you do not ever take an active and participating role in your own healthy self-image, absolutely no one can do it for you. You will, without a doubt, spend the rest of your life living in a puddle of disappointment, disillusionment and dis-ease. Please don’t do this to yourself.
If you have now had your daily wake up call for taking responsibility for your own self love, acceptance and care then may I make a few suggestions? Please start some kind of daily meditation on affirmations of self love. Please take some time each day to sit in stillness and get to know yourself. Please write a list or journal entry on the many ways you cheated yourself and your partner by putting this burden upon them. Please talk to your partner about this soft spot for yourself and ask them how they feel about all of this. Please put some kind of plan of action into place allowing you to spend time doing things that will help you begin to heal and accept yourself.
After all, if you don’t do this, who will? What are you waiting for?Makeover by AtHome Beauty.